Kind of a Hater

Samsung’s post-verdict statement (translated from the butthurt)

“Today’s verdict should not be viewed as a win for Apple, but as a loss for the American consumer.”

Goddammit this — OW — hurts my butt! OWWW!

“It will lead to fewer choices, less innovation, and potentially higher prices.”

It will lead to us having to develop products that don’t look like Apple devices. Which is hard and JUST MIGHT cost money (shock and awe!).

Sucks to be you, consumer.

“It is unfortunate that patent law can be manipulated to give one company a monopoly over rectangles with rounded corners, or technology that is being improved every day by Samsung and other companies.”

It is unfortunate that patent law protects patents.

“Consumers have the right to choices, and they know what they are buying when they purchase Samsung products.”

This sentence has two clauses that don’t actually belong in the same sentence as they express different ideas but we hope you’ll be distracted by the first clause enough that you won’t really digest the second.

“This is not the final word in this case or in battles being waged in courts and tribunals around the world, some of which have already rejected many of Apple’s claims.”

We will continue to fight for our right to copy Apple’s products, as well as all other competitor’s successful products, in order to profit from these companies’ research, development and hard work. So ignore the part where we threaten you with fewer choices and higher prices because whatever, some other country’s court system will let us copypasta the competition.

“Samsung will continue to innovate and offer choices for the consumer.”

Samsung will continue… Samsung will continue…. Samsung will continue.

You have been warned.

Source: The New York Times